To begin with, a gentle commentary from Kask regarding the amount of fiction in the magazine:
"Due to the length of the conclusion of THE GREEN MAGICIAN, we found it necessary to add an additional four pages this issue. Contrary to what some Philistines might think, this is not a fiction magazine. The Philistines I refer to are the ones that don’t want to see any fiction at all in these pages. To forestall the howls, the extra four pages were added to compensate, not that the story NEEDS compensating for."
Gerald Guinn kicks this issue off with a rebuttal to a letter criticizing The Cthulhu Mythos Revisited. An entertaining exchange one would now expect to see ... well, on every message board and blog frequented by geeks.
Scorpion Man: HP 240 (holy crap!), AC 1, MV 20", Magic as 15th level wizard, fighter ability as 15th level lord and Class I psionic ability.
Okay, gonzo stats, but a sweet piece of art. I also love the fact that the "artifacts" presented would, in modern D&D circles, be considered fairly weak magic items.
After the Near Eastern mythos, we have the big article of the issue - The Ultimate NPC: Ninja - The DM's Hit Man by Sheldon Price. I can hear the audible gasps of the "dick DM" crowd and the clicking of their teeth. To be honest, they have a point, but I think the article also needs to be seen in the context of the time. With characters bouncing around from game to game, there was the real danger of a ridiculously powerful character (probably played by a cheater) showing up to ruin everyone's fun.
Here's the rundown - Ninjas are limited to 16th level and must be neutral; they cannot use psionics. Their special abilities include seeing in the dark, tracking (as ranger with 20% penalty), simulate death, poison use (lots of rules here), far travel (2nd to 5th level 50 miles a day, 6th to 9th level 75 miles per day, 10th level or higher 100 miles per day - a unique ability), they prefer no armor but will wear leather or chainmail and they have a special shield called a neru-kuwa, they attack as a fighter, can attack open-handed as a monk and use judo as a samurai (originally in ... uh, some other issue), they get a save vs. all damage, save as magic-users of one level higher against spells and can attack with any weapon at a -3 penalty, save ninja weapons they have mastered and weapons associated with a disguise class they have learned. Otherwise they save as a fighter. Their disguises are learned randomly. The article goes on a bit ... go read it. It's actually not too shabby in terms of being overpowered, especially since it's assumed that one or two ninjas will be taking on an entire party and their retinues.
James Ward does another The Adventures of Monty Haul #3. This involves Freddie and his love of the weird. A sample:
"We appeared on a frosty plain of ice and snow with four Storm Giants swinging their weapons and Monty chuckling something about “minor guards”. We heard the sound of three clubs and a magic sword going smash, smash, smash, and chop. Mike’s gargoyle was a grease smear on one of the clubs, Tom’s Monk was down to one hit point, Dave’s cleric was really hurting, and Jake’s golem had one of its arms cut off by the vorpal sword. Robert clove one in two with his sword while Ernie’s and my cold rays took care of two more (and the sword, we found out a bit later). The last one was missed by the rest of the group, but it didn’t miss me for thirty-six points of bruises and nicks. With the next round, we were able to finish the giants off before the last one did any more damage. They didn’t have a copper coin’s worth of treasure on them, and we weren’t pleased. After a bunch of cure spells and a raise dead on the gargoyle, we still hadn’t figured out what to do about the golem’s arm. We just let it go and traveled on. Tim and Brian put on some of the dead guard’s clothes (which everyone thought was a good idea) and we were on our way towards a batch of caves."
E. Gary Gygax covers a bit of ground in the Sorcerer's Scroll with Role-Playing: Realism vs. Game Logic; Spell Points, Vanity Press and Rip-offs. The essence is - some people are morons when they propose fixes to D&D, and they are an irritation to Gygax not because of vanity, but because they don't understand game logic. Two quotes:
"The uniform element amongst these individuals is a complete failure to grasp the simple fact that D&D is a game. Its rules are designed and published so as to assure a balanced and cohesive whole."
"D&D encourages inventiveness and originality within the framework of its rules. Those who insist on altering the framework should design their own game. Who can say that such an effort might not produce a product superior to D&D? Certainly not I."
The bit about Weapon Expertise being stupid considering that any fighting-man worth his salt would practice with all arms all the time is funny, considering he had just published the AD&D Player's Handbook with the weapon proficiency rules.
In a Design Variant article, Charles Sagui explains Why Magic Users & Clerics Cannot Use Swords. In essence: For balance in the game, and Tolkien didn't write D&D, so I don't care if Gandalf could use a sword. Sagui works out a system where clerics can use edged weapons, but whatever damage they score with those weapons must be paid with by losing spells or, if they're out of spells, losing their own hit points. Weird, but kinda fun.
A. Mark Ratner presents Metamorphosis Alpha Modifications. This one covers the lack of mutants having a leadership potential, and thus being unable to use devices and weapons they find. I'm not sure that wasn't the intention in the rules, but Ratner proposes a mechanical aptitude ability for mutants. More importantly, he presents a great big chart of mutated animals, including pigmy elephants, so you know it's legit.
Next up is the second part of The Green Magician by L. Sprague deCamp.
"Shea’s intention was to jerk the blade loose with a twist to one side to avoid the downcoming slash. But the point stuck between his enemy’s ribs, and, in the instant it failed to yield, Nera’s blade, weakened and wavering, came down on Shea’s left shoulder. He felt the sting of steel and in the same moment the sword came loose as Nera folded up wordlessly."
Hard not to fall in love with Belphebe.
Wormy involves Irving the imp selling dwarf burgers to a hungry crowd that includes a wereboar. Frank the tree troll takes him out with a club. Almost forgot Dudly and Frank - excellent characters. The gaming world really lost out when Wormy ceased.
Fineous Fingers, meanwhile, turns back to help his pals against the evil knight.
We finish up with a Design Forum article by James Ward on Game Balance. This involves the rate at which magic item treasure is given out - Gygax, Kask and Kuntz all want it restricted - Ward, on the other hand, loves it. He introduces the idea of Game Equilibrium. In this concept, the DM doesn't care how much magic the players have. He uses plenty of it in his hordes ... but he lets the defenders of those hordes use the magic items. In essence, Ward embraces the DM vs. players concept wholeheartedly, like a great big game of Spy vs. Spy. Not a bad style of play, in my opinion, if everybody involved is a good sport.
Well - I got steaks to grill. Have fun on the internet folks, and make sure you buy a copy of Blood & Treasure!