A Gaggle of Gobblers

To celebrate Thanksgiving, when we give thanks to God by feasting on a slain dinosaur, I present a multitude of monsters based on the humble turkey.

We begin with the original:

Turkey, Wild Forest

Size: Small (30 lb., 4’ tall)
Type: Animal
Hit Dice: 0 (1d4 hp)
Armor Class: 12
Attack: 1 scratch (1d2)
Movement: 30 (Fly 60)
Saves: F14 R12 W19
Alignment: Neutral (N)
Intelligence: Animal
No. Appearing: 1d2
XP: 25 (CL 0)

Wild forest turkeys have excellent daytime vision, and are only surprised on a roll of 1 on 1d8. At night, their vision is far worse, and they are surprised on a roll of 1-3 on 1d6. They dwell in meadows in woodlands.

Turkey, Giant Wild Forest

Size: Medium (60 lb., 8’ tall)
Type: Animal
Hit Dice: 1
Armor Class: 13
Attack: 1 scratch (1d4)
Movement: 30 (Fly 60)
Saves: F13 R12 W18
Alignment: Neutral (N)
Intelligence: Animal
No. Appearing: 1d2
XP: 50 (CL 1)

Giant wild forest turkeys are known to prey on small creatures, like gnomes, when they are particularly hungry. Like their smaller kin, they have excellent daytime vision, and are only surprised on a roll of 1 on 1d8. At night, their vision is far worse, and they are surprised on a roll of 1-3 on 1d6. They dwell in meadows in woodlands.

Turkey-Men

Size: Medium (200 lb., 8’ tall)
Type: Monstrous Humanoid
Hit Dice: 1
Armor Class: 13
Attack: 1 scratch (1d4) or by weapon
Movement: 30
Saves: F13 R15 W16
Alignment: Neutral (N)
Intelligence: Low
No. Appearing: 1 male + 2d6 females
XP: 50 (CL 1)

Turkey-men are somewhat dull-witted woodland humanoids. Males live alone, and are quite territorial. They keep harems of 2d6 females, who make up the fabric of turkey-man society. Males maintain alliances with their brothers, and with them control a larger territory against other brotherhoods.

Turkey-men are tall and gangling, with the heads of turkeys and tufts of feathers around their necks. Their feet resemble those of turkeys, and their fingers are talons as well. They often wear cloaks of wild turkey feathers, and usually carry simple spears or war clubs and hide shields in combat.

Like wild turkeys, they have excellent daytime vision, and are only surprised on a roll of 1 on 1d8. At night, their vision is far worse, and they are surprised on a roll of 1-3 on 1d6. They dwell in hide lodges on woodland meadows.

Draco-Turkey

Size: Medium (300 lb., 8’ tall)
Type: Dragon
Hit Dice: 5
Armor Class: 15
Attack: 2 claws (1d4) and bite (1d6)
Special: Gobble (30’ cone, sonic damage)
Movement: 30 (Fly 60)
Saves: F11 R10 W11
Immune: Sleep and paralysis
Alignment: Chaotic (NE)
Intelligence: Average
No. Appearing: 1
XP: 500 (CL 6)

Listen, the woodlands can get a bit boring. Sometimes a green dragon finds a cask of wine, drinks it, gets a little crazy and, well, draco-turkeys happen. Like their normal turkeys, they have excellent daytime vision, and are only surprised on a roll of 1 on 1d8. At night, their vision is far worse, and they are surprised on a roll of 1-3 on 1d6. They make their lairs in wooded hollows, felling trees into something resembling a crude lodge.

Galliraptor

Size: Medium (330 lb., 8’ tall)
Type: Animal
Hit Dice: 3
Armor Class: 15
Attack: 1 talon (1d6) and bite (1d4)
Movement: 45 (Fly 60)
Saves: F12 R11 W17
Alignment: Neutral (N)
Intelligence: Animal
No. Appearing: 1d4
XP: 150 (CL 3)

These creatures are hybrids of giant wild forest turkeys and deinonychuses. They are leaner than giant turkeys, and faster. Like their smaller kin, they have excellent daytime vision, and are only surprised on a roll of 1 on 1d8. At night, their vision is far worse, and they are surprised on a roll of 1-3 on 1d6. They dwell in meadows in woodlands.

Gruesome Gobbler

Size: Medium (330 lb., 8’ tall)
Type: Magical Beasts
Hit Dice: 4
Armor Class: 15 [+1]
Attack: 1 talon (1d6) and bite (1d4)
Movement: 45 (Fly 60)
Saves: F11 R10 W15
Resistance: Fire, magic 10%
Alignment: Chaotic (CE)
Intelligence: Low
No. Appearing: 1d4
XP: 150 (CL 3)

Gruesome gobblers are galliraptors infused with demonic power. They are sometimes summoned and bound by shamans to keep people away from evil places. Like their smaller kin, they have excellent daytime vision, and are only surprised on a roll of 1 on 1d8. At night, their vision is far worse, and they are surprised on a roll of 1-3 on 1d6. They are +2 to hit and damage Lawful (Good) creatures.

Were-Turkey

Size: Medium (60 lb., 8’ tall)
Type: Monstrous Humanoid
Hit Dice: 2 [Silver]
Armor Class: 15
Attack: 1 scratch (1d4) or bite (1d4) or by weapon
Movement: 30 (Fly 60)
Saves: F15 R12 W12
Alignment: Neutral (N)
Intelligence: Average
No. Appearing: 1
XP: 200 (CL 3)

When the full moon is rising, you can find the were-turkeys scrambling for the woodlands, mostly to avoid the embarrassment of turning into a turkey in front of their friends. “Why”, they ask, “why couldn’t I have been bitten by a werewolf?” They have excellent daytime vision, and are only surprised on a roll of 1 on 1d8. At night, their vision is far worse, and they are surprised on a roll of 1-3 on 1d6. Were-turkeys can communicate with turkeys.

By the way - I put my five latest print titles at Lulu on sale at 25% off - today only. Pick one up if you've a mind to.

What I Did Over My Christmas Vacation

Back to work today (real work, where I get a paycheck), and I thought I'd get the first post of the new year knocked out before I have to get down to business.

What did I do on my Christmas vacation this year?

But it didn't stop there. Let's take a trip down memory lane ...

When I was but a young slip of a boy, I was obsessed with three things: Star Wars, World War Two, and Football. I was the original football geek - knew all the stats, knew the team histories, watched the games (rooted for the Steelers first and then the Raiders - I was a Las Vegas kid, so I didn't have a home team to root for), etc.

While I had never heard of D&D, I was already a gamer at heart. One summer, I invented my own football league. Lots of teams organized into conferences and divisions. Teams like the Las Vegas Aces, Billings Mountaineers, New Jersey Battleships (there's my WW2 obsession leaking through), Jacksonville Oranges, Birmingham Yellowhammers, Canton Bulldogs (I was retro before retro was cool), Georgia Peaches and my personal favorite, the Ottumwa Hogs (my family hails from Ottumwa, IA, thus the placement of a professional team in such a small market).

I designed helmets and team colors, and then I invented a very simple way to play games between them using a dice (and when I say dice, I mean d6 - back in those days, that was just a plain old dice, no extra description required). For each quarter of the game, I rolled the dice for each team to see how many points they scored. I don't remember the exact scheme now, but I'm sure it went something like this:

1 = 0 points
2 = 3 points
3 = 6 points
4 = 7 points
5 = 10 points
6 = 14 points

For example: Ottumwa Hogs vs. Las Vegas Aces

I would roll those dice, total up the scores, and have a winner. Then I recorded the wins and losses and ties, and eventually had them in playoffs and a championship game. I kept it all in a notebook, figuring out the schedules, etc. On a long road trip back to Iowa, it kept me occupied and entertained as only a geek can be entertained by rolling dice.

Flash forward to 2015.

My brother-in-law gets me that electronic football game. I start playing with it, and realize quickly that all those game scores I'm generating are going to waste. What if I resurrected those old pretend football teams, plus a few others, and made a sort of tournament. Yeah. A tournament.

Four conferences - North, South, East and West. Eight teams per conference, so a round of games, then conference playoffs, then conference championship, then league playoffs and league championship.

And I can organize the teams in Excel, with team logos and colors.

Oooh - what if I make a random table for determining off-season stuff, like teams folding or moving to new cities or picking up or losing star players.

Yeah - star players. They can give bonus offense and defense rolls that change the final score of the electronic games.

AND - I can grab demographics on the different MSA's in the US (metropolitan statistical areas) and the different stadiums, and come up with a random way to determine attendance and TV viewership and generate money earned for each team. Then they could spend money to build the teams even more.

Now I'm trying to figure out how to put together a pen & paper version of this, a little more in depth.

So, that's what I did with my Christmas vacation, along with writing about half the next issue of NOD (which will cover the Klarkash Mountains) and finishing up the first draft of GRIT & VIGOR.

Oh, and the Ottumwa Hogs are playing for the North Conference championship, against either the throwback Browns (with their classic Brownie logo) or the Minneapolis Marines.

Rankin-Bass is My Dungeon Master

A party of misfits

If you ever spent time as an American kid in the 1970's or 1980's, you surely are aware of Rankin-Bass holiday specials. And back then, they were special. No VCR's, DVD's or internet, so you had once chance each year to see Rudolph, and if you weren't home, you didn't see it! Egad!

R-B did more than just Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer in 1964 though. In Christmas specials alone, they produced The Little Drummer Boy (1968), Frosty the Snowman (1969), Santa Claus is Comin' to Town (1970, my favorite), The Year Without a Santa Claus (1974), The First Christmas: The Story of the First Christmas Snow (1975), Rudolph's Shiny New Year (1976), The Little Drummer Boy, Book II (1976), Nestor the Long-Eared Christmas Donkey (1977), Jack Frost (1979), Rudolph and Frosty's Christmas in July (1979), Pinocchio's Christmas (1980), The Leprechaun's Christmas Gold (1981), and The Life and Adventures of Santa Claus (1985).

So many holiday specials ... and thus so much material to mine for a little RPG nonsense. So, in the spirit of Mother Goose is my Dungeon Master ...

Races and Classes

First and foremost, we don't have adventurers in Rankin-Bass D&D. We have "misfits". Characters in this game are weirdos who don't quite fit in, and thus leave Santa's Castle or the Island of Misfit Toys to do some adventuring! Silver and Gold!

I'll be your narrator for this adventure

Moreover, the DM isn't a DM. He or she is the narrator, and they have to do the whole game impersonating an old celebrity. Something like The Caves of Christmas Chaos narrated by Sean Connery.

Humans have to be included as a playable race because of Yukon Cornelius. Other options could be elves (shorter than the traditional D&D elves) and reindeer (definitely a candidate for "race as class"). How about toys? Winter sprites? Lots of options there.

Classes - prospector, knight, winter warlock, dentist? Dentist!? Heck, you could even just stick with the old fighter, cleric, thief, magic-user standbys. A 3rd level elf magic-user, a 5th level reindeer fighter, a 2nd level dolly thief. How can you beat that?

Clerics need divine patrons, and R-B gives you Father Time, Mother Nature, Father Winter and of course Old Saint Nick himself.

Monsters

Only high-level misfits better tangle with this character

The bumble, King Moonracer is a shedu, giant vultures, town guards, elemental misers and their miserlings (mephits fit the bill very nicely for these guys), keh-nights (mechanical knights from Jack Frost) - many options here. Rankin-Bass adventures seem to be more centered around big villains with a collection of minions around them. That villain had better be threatening Christmas or New Years, too, or what's the point?

Adventure Sites

You're just loaded here. The North Pole, with Santa's Castle and the reindeer caves and Yukon's peppermint mine is a good home base. Burrow heavily from Candy Land and get a candy cane forest and gumdrop mountains. The Island of Misfit Toys is nearby, with its Shedu ruler King Moonracer. The weird Sea of Time that shows up in Rudolph's Shiny New Year could and should be the site of a mega-campaign all on its own. Seriously - if you haven't watched it, watch it. Great imagination fuel. You can go further afield with the Holy Land, Sombertown (apparently somewhere in Central Europe), the Russian Steppe and its Miserable Mountain, Southtown, etc.

The Game

It's Christmas Eve, and your friends are over. Pull out Basic D&D or one of its clones, pick a place to adventure, make up a villain or bring back Burgermeister Meisterburger or Kubla Kraus, figure out how they're trying to screw up the holidays and then roll up some elven dentists and human knights and jack-in-the-box whatevers and get to adventuring.

Oh, and don't forget to put a little of that goodwill towards men in your hearts. Share your +1 short sword. Don't be stingy with the healing potions. Give a little love, and get a little love back. It is Christmas, after all.

And no pouting and shouting if your character dies. Santa's got his eye on you!

Note - All images are the property of their copyright owners. No intended infringement in this post - just a bit of holiday fun.

Hippity-Hop Into the Dungeon - The Easter Bunny Class!

Easter bunnies are fey creatures who are the heralds and servants of Ys, the goddess of spring and fertility (substitute your own campaign’s spring goddess if you please). When not performing their Easter functions for children all over Nod, they are adventurers bold and daring.
[Okay – this was a brainstorm Easter morning, so this is a bit scanty – please forgive and, most importantly, have a Happy Easter, even if you’re not a Christian. A happy day and a chocolate bunny are fundamentally good things, regardless of your beliefs!]

Hit Dice: d6 / +2 hit points per level after 10th level

Advance as: Thief

Attack as: Thief

Save as: Bard

Armor: Padded and leather

Weapons: Any weapon that does not involve metal; they can use flint-tipped spears and arrows, which deal one dice size less damage than their metal counterparts

Skills: Find Secret Doors, Hide in Shadows, Jump, Listen at Doors, Move Silently, Trickery

Special Abilities
Easter bunnies can charge into combat with a mighty leap that carries them up to 15 feet forward.

Easter bunnies can speak with animals and plants at will. They also have “faerie fire vision”, which they can invoke for up to 2 rounds per level each day.

Easter bunnies cannot use iron or steel weapons, and in fact suffer +1 damage per hit from such weapons.

Easter bunnies can lay magic eggs. An Easter bunny can lay one egg per day, each one imbued with a magic ability of the Easter bunny’s choice as limited by their level. A first level Easter bunny starts with three magic eggs.

For a magic egg to affect a person (willingly or not), it must be cracked over them or it must strike them. To affect an area, it need only be thrown into that area. To summon nature’s ally, it is cracked and the creature sort of magically pours out of it.

Magic eggs can have the following effects – one effect per egg – based on the Easter bunny’s level:

Level 1 – bless, charm person, cure light wounds, entangle, grease, hold person, light, obscuring mist, phantasmal force, sleep, summon nature’s ally I, explosive (1d6 damage in 10’ radius)

Level 3 – animal messenger, blindness, calm emotions, cure moderate wounds, darkness, fog cloud, glitterdust, gust of wind, hypnotic pattern, improved phantasmal force, mirror image, reduce animal, silence, sound burst, summon nature’s ally II, summon swarm

Level 6 – charm monster, confusion, cure disease, cure serious wounds, daylight, deep slumber, diminish plants, dispel magic, fear, good hope, phantom steed, plant growth, remove curse, slow, spectral force, spike growth, summon nature’s ally III, wind wall

Level 9 – command plants, cure critical wounds, dimension door, dominate person, hallucinatory terrain, hold monster, rainbow pattern, spike stones, summon nature’s ally IV, zone of silence

Happy V-D!

Gentlemen - love your ladies!

Ladies - love your gentlemen!

Merry Christmas from the Land of Nod!

Quick note to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and all the blessings of the season. More than getting everything you wanted, I hope you all have everything you need (and are wise enough to know it, if you do). My Christmas present to you folks today is a quick preview of some new art I've commissioned for the forthcoming NOD Companion - all of it drawn by Jon Kaufman - for the classes collected in the book. Enjoy the art, and I hope you all have a wonderful day, whether you're celebrating or not.

Puritan by Jon Kaufman

Psychic by Jon Kaufman

She-devil by Jon Kaufman

Traveler by Jon Kaufman.

I'll be posting a couple new ones soon that will appear in the book - The Vigilante and the Femme Fatale.

Merry Christmas folks! Thanks for making me feel like a success with this little hobby of mine. Like many folks of the geeky persuasion, I've never had the best self image in the world, and your support over the last few years has done wonders for me. In the coming year, let's all remember to be kind to one another.

Holly Jolly Warriors for Your Dungeon [New Class]

'Tis the season for being goofy, don't you know, so I present this long overlooked fantasy archetype for your favorite fantasy game. Check you stocking for dice, roll up a kringle, and go slip the hobgoblins some coal (and cold steel) upside their pointy heads.

KRINGLE

H/T Trey's Sorcerer's Skull Blog

Kringles are holy warriors dedicated to generosity to the poor, protection of the weak and punishment of the wicked. They adventure to take their war on naughtiness into dungeons and to acquire enough wealth to one day build a fortified workshop of their own.

ROLL D8 FOR HIT POINTS

REQUIREMENTS
Strength and Wisdom of 13+; Kringle’s must be Lawful or Lawful Good, depending on what alignment scheme you use.

ARMOR ALLOWED
Any armor and shields

WEAPONS ALLOWED
Any bludgeoning weapon

SKILLS
Escape Bonds, Move Silently, Riding

XP ADVANCEMENT
Kringles advance as paladins

CLASS ABILITIES
A kringle can use the know alignment spell at will; he knows just by looking at you whether you’ve been naughty or nice. In addition, they are capable of squeezing through very small openings, as though they were tiny in size.

A 2nd level kringle is capable of using the minor creation spell, though they can only create an item if they have a sack from which to pull it. At 6th level, a kringle can use minor creation three times per day, and major creation one time per day. A 9th level kringle can use minor creation at will, and major creation three times per day.

A 3rd level kringle is immune to fear. Each ally within 10 feet of him gains a +2 bonus on saving throws against fear. In addition, a xxx gains immunity to all diseases, including supernatural and magical diseases.

A 4th level paladin (gallant) gains the ability to turn constructs, as a cleric turns undead, as a cleric three levels lower.

A 5th level kringle can undertake a quest, guided by a divine vision, to find and gain the service of an unusually intelligent, strong, and loyal reindeer to serve her in her crusade against naughtiness. If the kringle’s mount dies, he must atone (per the atonement spell) and then wait until gaining another level of kringle to undertake the quest again.

A 9th level kringle is capable of using time stop once per day. This increases to three times per day at 16th level.

At 9th level, a kringle is permitted to use crystal balls as though they were magic-users. How else could they know when folks are sleeping or when they’re awake?

An 11th level kringle can choose to establish a workshop in the wilderness and gain followers (see High Level Play below). A kringle who becomes a lord or lady attracts 1d6 gnome artisans per level, 1d6 automatons (1st level fighters – toy soldiers, get it?) and one 3rd level kringle to serve as a foreman. The automatons and the kringle should be generated as characters under control of the player.

What's In Santa's Sack - Halfling Edition

Image from here

Christmas is maybe the most halfling holiday of the year ... well, except for Thanksgiving. Either way, you have to imagine that old St. Nick has a few packages in his sack for those little Lawfuls of the Shire ...

1. Cheese - and lot's of it.

2. Mithril mixing bowl - nothing sticks to mithril except dire molasses

3. Jar of dire molasses

4. Rose-colored glasses (+1 to save vs. sadness and fear)

5. Lederhosen - pre-worn in by the elves at the North Pole and thus smelling of peppermint

6. Toe hair combing kit in a fancy leather case

7. Scented foot oil

8. Pennywhistle, mouth-harp and set of musical spoons - to pass the time on long trips

9. Brand new slingshot with a compass and a thing that tells the time in the stock

10. Crushed velvet bag containing 10 silver sling bullets

11. A set of hand-carved bird calls - includes one's for giant eagles, rocs and giant owls (1 in 6 chance of attracting an owlbear)

12. "Get Out of Gaol Free" card signed by St. Cuthbert himself

13. Stickum - useful for halfling thieves (bonus to climb and pick pocket checks)

14. Autographed copy of There and Back Again

15. Set of three nosegays (+1 save vs. poison gas)

16. Daisy chains, enchanted to never wilt

17. Elven cloak (ever since that book came out, every halfling wants one)

18. New hurling stick (can be used as a club or to hurl things like flaming oil or holy water)

19. A prize pig of surprising intelligence, large enough to be used as a mount

20. Sack of walnuts

21. Shire Army Knife (fork, spoon, knife, toothpick and corkscrew)

22. Silver locket containing a curly auburn lock - find the owner and get a free kiss

23. Embroidered shirt or dress - hand stitching

24. Gnarly, wooden walking stick

25. Sack of jelly babies

26. Glass bottle of bay rum

27. Seat cane with silver top (counts as a silver club for attacking incorporeals and lycanthropes)

28. Dragon-nip - throws dragons off your scent when sneaking into their hordes

29. Silver dagger

30. Book of Riddles - useful for stumping gollums

What's In Santa's Sack? - Elf Edition

Of course, Santa Claus isn't going to forget about those Chaotic Good demi-humans, close kin to his helpers at the North Pole. Grab a d30 and roll up some loot for your favorite fairy.

1. Bejewelled ear-wax cleaner
2. Pointy hat in glorious velvet
3. New silver bells for one’s formal pointy shoes
4. Magical easy bake oven in the shape of a tree
5. Autographed tapestry of Santa Claus
6. Stereoscope cards of Freyr in all her divine glory
7. A shiny new sword with silver engraving in the shape of acanthus leaves
8. Magical coat of leaves – they match the woodland environment and season and act as camouflage
9. Licorice drops – elves can’t get enough of licorice drops, and each is embossed with an elf-cross
10. Nymphs and Dryads I Have Known, a memoir by Högni Half-Elven
11. Drizz’t plushie and a collection of silver pins (worth 5 gp)
12. A box of flower petals crystalized in sugar
13. A trick flask with two sides to allow one to hide potions or trick enemies into drinking poison!
14. New woolen tights
15. Harp engraved with prancing unicorns
16. False mustache and beard
17. “Brownie-whistle” – a silver whistle only the fey can hear
18. A silver comb
19. An Italian greyhound puppy, since they’re effectively the elves of the dog world
20. 1001 Things to Say to Piss Off a Dwarf – popular old joke book
21. Magical chemise – one can pull an endless number of red roses from the sleeves
22. Silver dagger
23. A sword cane – come on, you know elves would love those things
24. Kerchief of Elvenkind – admittedly, not as useful as the cloak or boots, but a dapper touch nonetheless
25. Quiver of handmade elfshot
26. Wooden sculpture of a feminine leg with a continual light spell cast on it’
27. New longbow
28. Set of three bowstrings woven from the tail hairs of a unicorn (+1 damage, worth 10 gp each, each lasts for 1d20 shots)
29. Flagon of sweet, clear wine
30. Shirt of elven mail

What's In Santa's Sack? - Dwarf Edition

Are you eye-ballin' me boy?

Let's kick the holiday season off right with a nice gift guide for the dwarf in your life. If your players have a lawful dwarf in their midst, roll a D30 and give the little bugger something nice from old Kris Kringle ...

1. Beard extensions
2. Spiked boots of tooled purple worm leather
3. Jeweled eye patch (or two, if the poor dear is blind)
4. Treacle surprise!
5. Rock candy shaped like little earth elementals
6. New undergarments with a fresh pine scent
7. Monogramed leather apron - smith in style!
8. Blue dragon leather grip for the warhammer
9. Illustrated copy of The Amorous Adventures of Freya Grunsdottir
10. Basket Weaving Made Easy – much of it is applicable to beards
11. Woolen stockings – 3 pairs!
12. Bag of novelty pipe cleaners
13. Subscription to the Mead of the Month club
14. A real treasure map!
15. Balrog-B-Gon (1% chance of actually working)
16. Pair of gold-sniffing ferrets
17. Aurumvorax-fur coat
18. Helm with handy-dandy candle holder
19. Nose wax (to keep the old neb nice and shiny!)
20. Monogram lace hanky, ‘cause even dwarves need a good cry sometimes
21. Leather bodice studded with rhinestones (for the dwarfettes … or maybe not …)
22. Adamantine pick-axe autographed by Bjorn "the Badger" Bjornholm
23. Lead miniature collection, “The Great Dwarves of History”
24. Official Junior Vulcan Metallurgy Set
25. Bar of lye soap, nose tweezers and ivory mustache comb in a tasteful gift bag
26. Box of assorted candied beetles
27. 50’ of silk rope
28. Cave bear rug
29. Ale mug engraved with the dwarf’s name
30. Collection of Norðri, Suðri, Austri and Vestri commemorative plates

Happy Thanksgiving, One and All!

From We Heart Vintage

Just a quick note today to wish everyone (American or not) a happy day. It's always a good idea to stop and take an inventory of the blessings in your life, and among mine is the audience of folks who read my blog and buy my stuff. You folks have given me, through your attention and your cold hard cash, an opportunity to pretend to be a real grown up writer, and I appreciate it more than you know.

As a way to show my appreciation, I'm put all of my books at Lulu are now 10% off between now and the end of the year (not the PDF's though - they're cheap enough already). At the moment, Lulu is doing a 30% sale as well (code is DELIRITAS), so if you've been waiting to buy NOD or Blood & Treasure or anything else, now's the time! Remember, with Blood & Treasure, I'll send you a link for a free download of a PDF when you buy a hard cover book - just email me the receipt.

In other news, I've commissioned the first bits of character class art for the Nod Companion, which will gather together classes, races and other useful character bits from the NOD magazines, revising and updating them for Blood & Treasure. It will also include a brief run-down of the Land of Nod's history and major city-states and peoples, for those who want to know more and can't wait for me to hex crawl the entire planet (yeah, that's just about what I'm aiming for - I might skip a bit of open ocean, but I do want to hex crawl the entire landmass).

And finally, to keep this post useful ...

HELL-PUNKINS

Hell-punkins are orange gourds that are grown in the swamps of Hell. They are steeped in hatred and misery and, when the air turns cold, heaved out of the depths to spread fear on the Material Plane.

Hell-Punkins look like large pumpkins (usually about 3-ft in diameter) with burning red eyes and jagged mouths that look as though they were ripped into the flesh of the plant by the plant's own burning desire to nibble on the flesh of innocents. A single long tendril (8 feet) rises from the top of the plant.

Hell-Punkins can breathe cones (10 ft.) of molten gunk and seed from their mouths once per day. The gunk initially does 2d6 points of damage, and if the target fails their Reflex save to cut the damage in half, sticks to people's skin and deals another 1d6 points of damage the next round. More importantly, the seeds in the gunk begin to sprout the second round, digging roots into the person's blood (1d4 points of damage) and then sprouting forth in tendrils that grow quickly, entangling the victim (per the spell entangle). Victims killed by this burning gunk eventually become the fodder for a new crop of hell-punkins.

The creatures move by bouncing and utter a wheezy cackle of delight when they discover new victims.

Demons and devils enjoy a spicy pie made from hell-punkins, a pie that deals 3d6 points of internal damage to most humanoids.

Hell-Punkin, Small Plant, Low Intelligence: HD 3; AC 16; ATK 1 bite (1d4) and 1 tendril whip (1d4/10' range) or breathe burning gunk; MV 20; F13 R14 W15; AL Chaotic (CE); XP 300; Special - Breathe gunk, immune to fire and poison, magic resistance 15%

One Last Trick [New Monsters]

Here's a monster that popped into my mind yesterday ...

REAPER

Reapers look like long-armed goblins with glossy black skin and magnesium green eyes that have a slight phosphorescence. Some wear carved pumpkins over the heads, like masks. They travel in small packs and are armed with very sharp cutting blades, each one carrying a mild enchantment that makes it especially dangerous.

A creature hit by a reaper's blade and suffering 5 or more points of damage must pass a Fortitude saving throw (or save vs. petrification) or have one of their arms lopped off. The severed arm instantly comes to life and begins grabbing at its former owner or performing any other task the reaper sets it to. Arms have the same armor class as their former owner, and 1d4 hit points. If an arm is "killed" it is destroyed. Otherwise, the arm can be reattached (remember, there's magic involved) to its original owner once the reaper has been killed.

Some especially lucky (or talented) reapers ride strange mounts composed of severed arms. These mounts look something like centipedes.

Reaper, Small Humanoid, Average Intelligence: HD 3; AC 16; ATK 2 blades (1d6 + sever limb); Move 30; F13 R14 W14; AL Chaotic (CE); XP 300; Special - Sever and control limbs.

Manopede, Large Aberration, Non-Intelligent: HD 4; AC 14; ATK 2 slams (1d4+1 + grapple); Move 50; F13 R13 W11; AL Neutral (N); XP 400; Special - Grapple.

Severed Arm, Tiny or Small Aberration, Non-Intelligent: HD 1; AC varies; ATK 1 slam (1d3 + grapple); Move 10; F16 R16 W13; Special - Grapple.

Every Fool Has His Day!

While watching a Stooges marathon on Antenna TV today, I was kissed by the muse (or maybe bonked by the muse, considering the source). Enjoy a class in a class of it own.

The Stooge

Stooges seem to coast through life, blissful in their ignorance and always coming through in the end.

Requirements: Stooges must have a constitution of at least 15. Their intelligence score can be no higher than 7, and their combined intelligence, wisdom and charisma scores can be no higher than 30.

Hit Dice: d8 (+3 per level after 9th)

Armor: Any

Weapons: Any (but see below)

Skills: None

Advance As: Fighter (in whatever system you play)

Class Features

Stooges can't do much, but they can sure take a punch. A stooge ignores the 1 point of damage every time he or she takes damage. This increases to 2 points at 4th level, 3 points at 8th level and tops out at 4 points at 12th level. Any blow that should kill a stooge often only knocks them for a loop. The stooge may attempt a Fortitude save and, if successul, is only stunned for 1d4 rounds.

As tough as stooges are, you can't call them brave. Stooges suffer a -2 penalty to save vs. fear. On the other hand, their heads are tough to crack. Spell casters who attempt to read their minds must pass a Will save or be struck with confusion for 1d4 rounds.

A stooge can fascinate people with his antics, whether he is tangling with another stooge or with a stubborn inanimate object, just as a bard of equal level. Stooges do not gain a bard's suggestion ability.

When the going gets tough, the stooge gets going. Once per day, they can act as though under the effects of the expeditious retreat spell.

Stooges are masters of unorthodox unarmed combat. Their unarmed attacks inflict 1d4 points of damage at 1st level, 1d6 points of damage at 5th level and 1d8 points of damage at 10th level. Once per day per three levels they can attempt a stunning attack (if they hit, the victim must pass a Fortitude save or be stunned for 1d4+1 rounds). If a stooge is facing three adjacent opponents, they can do a triple slap, rolling once to attack and applying that roll to hit all three of them. Unfortunately, whenever up to three stooges are adjacent to an enemy, it gains the ability to make the same unarmed attack against them.

Happy Blog-O-Versary to Me! + FLAILSNAILs comes to NOD

Image is property of Wizards of the Coast, the darlings

Four very simple items today.

First - it's my second blog-o-versary! I've had a ball with this blog and, I think, created something useful to the RPG community at large. My sincerest thanks to those who read the blog (especially to anyone out there that uses this material in their games), to those who follow the blog, to those who put me in their blogrolls and to those who have purchased some of my nonsense and made one of my dreams com true (still waiting on the jetpack).

Second - I have two groups working their way through the Land of Nod right now playtesting my Blood & Treasure rules. One just crawled into a strange, abandoned trireme they found buried under a mountain (clearly their lives are not in danger) and the other just came up from a delve into the catacombs of Ophir, the Wickedest Little City on the Tepid Sea.

Most importantly, I have now officially signed on to the FLAILSNAILs Convention, and hereby open the gates of Nod to anyone who wants to poke around in it and cause trouble. Right now, I just do play-by-post gaming on Google+, because I have a day job, a family and I spend a fair amount of time writing RPG stuff (if you hadn't noticed). If you or a group want to delve into Nod and you're on Google+, just let me know and we'll work something out. You can even choose the system we use, assuming I own the rules and have the inclination to use it.

ALARUM: A couple people have dropped out of the Google+ Nod game, so there are slots open on the 3rd level Team Blood and the 6th level Team Treasure, if anyone wants to play. Team blood lost an elf fighter and Team Treasure a human cleric, but you can play something different. Team Blood is currently above ground and resting, so a Team Blood player could jump right in. Team Treasure is in the wilderness, but they'll be returning to civilization soon to re-supply, so a higher level character might have to wait a bit. 

If you want to join in now, just send me an email (jmstater    AT    yahoo    DOT    com) and we'll make it happen.

Third - Random Things Found Under Foot in the Dungeon (by command of JOESKY)

1) The shed scales of a large reptile (psst - it's behind you, and its invisible)

2) A puddle of halfling blood (you can tell from the sugar content)

3) A patch of green slime cunningly masquerading as brown mold (don't ask me how)

4) Bugbear droppings (where did they find corn 300-ft below ground)

5) A pointy hat, lightly singed

6) A wooden holy symbol, broken in half

7) A tentacle (attached to an angry monster, of course)

8) Footprints in the dust that stop where you're standing

9) The ashes of a lich

10) A flimsy ceramic tile hiding a caltrop

11) A chainmail bikini (with a broken leather strap!)

12) Shards of glass that sparkle like gems (with the reflection of a yellow-pupiled eye staring back at you in each shard)

13) A copper coin (48% chance of being shiny)

14) A puddle of acid with mind-bending effects for those who touch it

15) An anti-shadow cast by an adventurer from the negative zone

16) A silk scarf that smells of sunflowers, the ends tattered and stained with blood

17) The Magna Carta

18) A patch of ice ... evil ice!

19) Tomb dust (hold your breath!)

20) Mummy wrappings (pray the owner doesn't give a tug)

Finally ... Dejah Thoris, 'cause you never need a reason.

Dejah Thoris, Princess of Mars by *Kapow2003 on deviantART

Dejah Thoris by ~Inhuman00 on deviantART

Blogger Appreciation Day & Lulu Sale

Apparently, it is Blogger Appreciation Day. So, just wanted to say thanks to all the various bloggers I read and enjoy, from old school (and sometimes new school) RPGs to economics to art and design. We live in an age of wonders when people from all over the world can come together in real time and argue about crap like ascending vs. descending AC, ability limits based on gender, the wisdom of level limits and whether or not alignment languages are stupid.

Also - in case you are interested - Lulu is doing a 29% off Leap Day sale. If you've been thinking about a purchase from me or any of the other fine folks who sell their wares on Lulu, today is probably a good day to take the leap!

You see what I did there? "take the leap" - Leap Year. That's a joke, son. A funny. I keep pitchin' 'em, but you ain't catchin' 'em. You must have a hole in your glove ...

Or if you prefer the original ...

A SAN Check for New Year's Eve (and a bit more)

Most disturbing video of 2011? Perhaps ...

Weird Al aside, just want to take this opportunity to thank everyone who made 2011 a good year for me. I spend my days researching the Las Vegas commercial real estate market and the economy in general, which has been both interesting and depressing for the last few years (and just wait for 2012 ...), but the year has been pretty good overall. I've had the opportunity to do some TV interviews here in town, which has bolstered my real job. The family is healthy and happy, by and large, and I'm thankful for that.

On the hobby side, I want to thank all of the kind folks who read the blog and buy my goods - you've made a dream come true for me. I want to thank Bill Webb and Frog God Games for giving me the opportunity to be published by someone other than myself (Hex Crawl Chronicles - available now!), and for the opportunity to work on Tome of Horrors Complete and the new Rappan Athuk conversion. I'd also like to thank the players of my Google + Mystery Men! game, which is proceeding nicely through the Dark Renaissance storyline (the heroes are now split between Washington D.C. and Greenland - who knows where they will go next).

For those who didn't have such a banner 2011, I pray that 2012 is a better year. Economics and finances is a big part of life, but it is only one part of life. Many folks who lived through the Great Depression learned that lesson and a few of us old timers (well, middle agers maybe) were lucky enough to spend time with those folks, who were our grandparents to hear about their experiences. That said, when the wolves are at the door, it's hard to pay attention to much else. The best we can all do in 2012 is to be creative, productive and optimistic.

Of course, if the Inca are right (yeah, I know - just let me play with the meme), we could be spending the latter part of 2012 like this ...

When everything goes wrong, remember ... be the barbarian!

Finally ... NOD

In two years (well, really more like a year and a half) I've managed to scrawl out 12 issues of my own little magazine. I'm hoping for another six issues in 2012.

NOD 13 (Feb '12) should feature three more rings of Hell - Abaddon, Gehenna and Stygia. I should manage to get the different shades of dragons in this one, as well as some more Mystery Men! content. I have one more level of the Pleasure Palace of Izrigul I want to produce, but I'm not sure when it will happen. Sometime in 2012 for sure. By the time this is out, I hope Space Princess will also be out, allowing me an opportunity to play with sci-fi a bit more in the magazine.

NOD 14 (Apr '12) will delve into Dis, the massive city of Hell. I'm hoping to do something interesting with this one - more of a metaphysical crawl through the back alleys of the mind than a proper city with streets and buildings. We'll see. Hopefully Blood and Treasure will be completed by the time this issue arrives.

NOD 15 (Jun '12) will kick off Summer with the final installment of the Hell hex crawl, right down to Hell's frozen heart and the great escape through Lucifer himself. God willing, I'll have begun work on Action X by now. I also hope to complete a Pars Fortuna dungeon for this issue.

NOD 16 (Aug '12) will leave Hell behind for the savannah of Pwenet and the jungle basin of Cush. I've already submitted an excerpt from this Africa-inspired hex crawl to Fight On!, and this issue will take up half of that complete hex crawl.

NOD 17 (Oct '12) will feature the city of Iksum on the savannah of Pwenet. Iksum has a small part to play in a future adventure set in Nod that is being written by Greg Vaughn, who does work with Frog God Games. I have no idea what else will show up this far in advance.

NOD 18 (Dec '12) will round out the year with the finish of the Cush/Pwenet hex crawl and other assorted holiday goodies. I didn't think I'd make it to 6 issues in 2011, and I only hope I can make it to 6 in 2012.

Besides Nod, I'll be working to finish Space Princess, Blood and Treasure, Action X, Queen and Kaiser and 1800 - American Empires. I have a few mini-campaign ideas for NOD, including one based on the Bowery Boys/East Side Kids movies. I had wanted to do a couple other mini-campaign things in 2011 that didn't materialize, and perhaps they will show up at some point in 2012 (post-apocalyptic Great War and giant robots). Some folks have asked for a compilation of classes that have appeared in NOD over the past couple years, and if I hear from some more people interested in such a thing, I'll see about doing that as well.

Oh, and if the Mystery Men! Dark Renaissance campaign on Google + comes to a close (which I think it will), I'd like to start a new campaign ... maybe a crazy MM! campaign based on the comics of the Silver Age, but more likely something with Pars Fortuna or a Nod hex crawl. A cruise along the highways of post-apocalypse America with Mutant Truckers could be fun as well, and might not take too much time. If you'd be interested in playing such a game on Google +, keep your eyes peeled for announcements on this blog.

So, to close this ridiculously long blog post (and blogging in general for 2011) - Thank You! I hope I can continue to entertain folks with my writing in 2012 and well into the future. If any of you need some help making your own ideas materialize, feel free to call on me - I've been very fortunate these last two years, and I'd love to help somebody else realize their dreams in 2012.

Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas from the Land of Nod!

Nothing geek or game related. Just a wish for a Merry Christmas to all within the sight of my pixels!

(Well, okay, the Santa image to the right is kinda steampunk, so I guess there's  a little something geek related).

(And I said pixels, and that's a bit geeky.)

Oh - what the heck ...

FLYING REINDEER
Flying reindeers are more than just magical beasts - they are cherished creatures of the forces of Law. They appear as large, handsome reindeer with a golden tinge to their fur and a crystalline sheen to their antlers. They are uncommonly intelligent and immensely patient, though they fly into battle with creatures of chaos at the drop of a hat. The most famous of the flying reindeer are part of the team used by Saint Nicholas to make his one-per-year trip around the world to deliver gifts and tokens to all the Lawful boys and girls in the world.

Flying reindeer are capable of using the following spells: At will - detect evil, sanctuary; 3/day - haste; 1/day - time stop. They are always under the effect of a protection from evil 10-ft radius spell.

FLYING REINDEER: HD 6; AC 3 [16]; Atk 1 gore (2d6) and 1 bite (1d4); Move 15 (Fly 36); Save 11 (9 vs. abilities of chaotic creatures); CL/XP 11/1700; Special: +1 or better weapon to hit, immune to cold, turn undead as 10th level cleric, spells, smite evil 1/day (double damage if gore attack is successful, forces demons and devils to save or be thrown back into Hell), magic resistance (15%).

Image from Golden Age Comic Book Stories

Happy Anniversary to Me! (And a Magic Item)

No, not a blog anniversary. That's in March sometime. A wedding anniversary. Number 17, in fact. If you enjoy all the nonsense I post on this blog and publish through Lulu, join me in thanking my wife, Wendy, for her support and tolerance of this very geeky, often time-consuming hobby of ours. About a decade or so ago, I had put my RPG days behind me. When some friends invited me to play some of the new D-n-D (I was so far out of the hobby that I didn't know TSR was gone and a new version of the game in the works), I was hesitant. My wife thought I should go play with my friends. Ultimately, this led me to the new old versions of the game and convinced me I should give blogging a try. That led to the publishing and a new facet of my life - just in time for a very geeky mid-life crisis, I guess. So, this is to my bride of 17 years - I hope for countless happy years to come, but with her I'm ready for anything the world can throw at me. Except maybe rabid badgers shot out of a bazooka - who could really be ready for that?

--

Now, for the game content ...

Golden Bands of Bonding: These two golden rings are plain and unadorned. When slipped on the fingers of two people in love, they act as rings of protection +1. When the people hold hands, they create protection from evil, 10' radius and sanctuary effects. When apart, the rings allow the wearers to know the general state of well-being of the other. If one is in mortal danger, the rings allow the mate to call them (as a summoning spell) to their present location. This drains the remaining magic in the rings, and they become ordinary rings thereafter. If one of the ring wearers is killed, the mate can instead use this magic to summon the person's killer.

Martians! [Space Princess]

BAH!

Ah - December! The crisp air, the smell of expensive holiday-themed candles, fruit cakes ... it always brings one thing in particular to my mind. Martians!

In particular, the hapless buggers who dared kidnap Santa Claus. Having had the annual viewing of the MST3K classic riffing of Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, and with the eminent release of Space Princess, I figured it made sense to mash the two together. When the Christmas season rolls around and you've gathered your friends to play some Space Princess over a glass of eggnog, you'll be well prepared.

Martian
The Martians are green-skinned humanoids of a (formerly) warlike race. From an early age Martians are educated by thought waves projected from computer banks and received by cybernetic antennae jutting from helmets almost always worn on their heads. These helms act as communicator devices (see Super Science). Martians arm themselves with freeze ray guns. Most wear skin-tight green costumes, while leaders are designated by their use of cloaks.

Martians dwell in subterranean cities that abut their famous canals, which transfer water from the poles to the warmer climes. Martians require very little air and are immune to cold. Despite their planet's lower gravity, they appear to be just as strong as human beings.

The elders of the Martian race are called chochems. These mystics can employ four psychic powers. They dress in robes and carry staves.

For the past generation, Kimar has served as the leader of the Martian people. It was he who personally led the expedition to bring Santa Claus and Christmas to the Martians. In the time since the arrival of Santa, the Martians have become less warlike and more generous. Still, some elements among them seek a return to the old ways. A leader among these rebels is Voldar, a mustachioed thug with a cruel sense of humor.

MARTIAN WARRIOR: HD 2; DEFENSE 6; MELEE 6 (fists 1d4); RANGED 6 (freeze ray gun); MOVE N; STR 4; DEX 4; MEN 3; KNOW 5; DL 2; SPECIAL: Immune to cold.

CHOCHEM: HD 1; DEFENSE 4; MELEE 4 (staff 1d6); RANGED 4; MOVE N; STR 3; DEX 3; MEN 5; KNOW 7; DL 2; SPECIAL: Immune to cold, four psychic powers (activate +12).

VOLDAR: HD 6; DEFENSE 9; MELEE 12 (fists 1d4); RANGED 9 (freeze ray gun); MOVE N; STR 6; DEX 4; MEN 3; KNOW 5; DL 6; SPECIAL: Immune to cold.

KIMAR: HD 8; DEFENSE 13; MELEE 12 (fists 1d4); RANGED 13 (freeze ray gun); MOVE N; STR 4; DEX 5; MEN 4; KNOW 6; DL 8; SPECIAL: Immune to cold.

By the way - if any artist out there would like to draw their rendition of Capt. Kirk performing his famous flying kick on Voldar while Santa and Spock look on, well, I'm sure we'd all like to see it!

Images found here and here.

Happy Thanksgiving, Mystery Men! Style

To start off, I want to give thanks for what has been a pretty good year for me. A couple years ago, I wouldn't have thought I'd now be making a few bucks writing game material and even publishing my own games. I'm thankful for the opportunities I've had and for the support folks in the game community have given me. I'm even more thankful for my wife, daughter and family and friends. Things are going well today, but I know that things can change, and I'm determined to be thankful for what I have while I still have it.

Now then, on to the goodies. When I was a kid, we used to do these book orders in elementary school. One of the items we could get from these four-page "catalogs" was a subscription to one of two magazines (I think one was four younger kids, the other for older kids, though which is which I don't remember), Bananas and Dynamite. One little article from Dynamite that stuck with me was about "Zero Heroes". Apparently, these less-than-stellar superheroes were created by B. K. Taylor as a set of stickers. Years later (now, in fact) I managed to find them online (amazing, isn't it) and happily present you a hero for the holiday (well, kinda).

The Great Gobbler
According to the back of the sticker, the Great Gobbler had some exciting adventures, but his series was finally cancelled because, no matter how exciting they were, people couldn't get over the fact that he was just a big turkey.

Cover image above from retroCRUSH.