Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Random Beards - I can top that!

With random mustaches, of course! With scant apologies to A&A.

Having compiled this list, I’m now thinking that every dwarf clan I write up will have an official clan mustache and/or beard – maybe the ‘stache and beard are the dwarf version of heraldry? Hell, maybe their need for mustache wax is what drives the little buggers to dig up so much gold. Or maybe the Chandler’s Guild is the power behind most dwarven thrones? Or maybe I should just shut up and post the darn list already …

1. Natural – unshaped, unshaven, drawn by the hand of God, so to speak.
2. Hungarian – big and bushy – the mustache, not the people.
3. Dali – narrow, points are curved steeply upward; favored by surreal artists.
4. English – narrow, whiskers are long and curled up on ends (see photo to right).
5. Imperial – whiskers grow from both the upper lips and cheeks and curled upward.
6. Fu Manchu – long mustache grown only from the upper lip; favored by inscrutable geniuses from the Far East. The Pancho Villa variety is thicker and droopier.
7. Handlebar – like a Fu Manchu that has been trained to sit up (though not speak, although you know some wizard out there has tried).
8. Horseshoe – a bushier version of the Fu Manchu, but with hair growing not just from the upper lip, but also down the sides of the mouth; favored by hulks of the Hogan variety.
9. Pencil – a very thin mustache along the top of the lip – dashing on Errol Flynn, just plain creepy on John Waters (as it should be).
10. Chevron – thick and wide, it covers the entire upper lip – no curling here, mister.
11. Toothbrush – more popularly known as the “Hitler Mustache”, ‘nuff said.
12. Walrus – bushy mustache that completely (or mostly) covers the mouth.

All information drawn from Wikipedia. For random beards, please step this way to Aeons & Auguries.


  1. but what about Der Fuhrer

    ideal for bad guys

  2. #11 baby - the Toothbrush. Watch movies before the rise of Hitler, and that mustache is almost always on goofy, mild-mannered characters, and usually a bit on the chubby side. Now - pure evil.

  3. Darn, I knew I should have posted a follow up piece sooner,there goes the research. ;-)

  4. The game of weird random Old School tables is dog-eat-dog, my friend.


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